This post marks the beginning of my 5th week in Malawi, and what an education I’ve received so far. Nothing you learn in school or from a western perspective in any sense, can prepare you for what African life is really like. Contrary to what we hear in the news and read in textbooks, the spirit of Africa is not broken, in fact it is quite the opposite; the spirit of Africa is alive and well, and it is loud, colourful and can really keep a beat.
I am so thankful to be living with a Malawian host family because I get the opportunity to experience so much culture, and I believe, what it means to truly be African. This past weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend a Malawian wedding reception with my host-mom Alice, where I witnessed the true African spirit, alive and kicking.
My host-dad Nelson is away in Mozambique on business this week, so I accompanied her to the reception of our neighbour’s daughter. What a party. There were conservatively 400 people packing a giant room at the nearby Cresta Crossroads Hotel. I must admit I was a bit worried about attending the reception of a perfect stranger without an invite… how Canadian of me. Even my skin colour could not have made the bride and groom notice me, there were that many people! Alice had a busy morning so we did not attend the wedding, but thankfully we made it to the reception in time to see the wedding party enter. First, there is always a leading couple; they must be married, and are usually good friends of the couple or their parents. The music is PUMPING and they enter dancing… mind you, these are tiny swaying dance steps, so it took the entire party about 30 minutes to dance down the red carpet from start to finish. Next up were the bride’s twin sisters, wearing matching gold, way ‘over-the-top’ bridesmaid dresses. These girls also danced their way down the red-carpeted aisle, but paused for the occasional ‘pop-it, lock-it, drop-it’ dance move, which the crowd loved. Then a bunch of little girls and boys, all dressed in white dresses or white tuxes cascaded down the aisle. Alice said they are referred to as “mini-brides” and “mini-grooms”. Amazing. Next came another couple, I assume the maid-of-honour and best man. It was with the best man that I was able to see the pièce-de-resistance of the entire reception: gold, shimmering suit jackets. Yup, to match the entire shimmering gold theme. When the bride and groom entered, his shimmering gold suit jacket was also the first thing I noticed… well, perhaps after noticing his uncanny resemblance to American C-list celebrity X-Zibit… (“Pimp My Ride”? Anyone?)
After this analysis, I quickly realized I am quite the wedding-snob, and stopped critiquing the dresses, the suits jackets, the decorations, etc., and tried to focus on the customs of the ceremony itself. Essentially, the whole premise of a Malawian wedding reception is to give money to the bride and groom. The bridal party made their way to the stage, where the bride and groom sat on an elaborately decorated sofa, with their party on chairs on either side. First, the groom walked down the stage steps and stood in front of all his guests. The M-C called up several different ‘categories’ of guest: friends of the bride, family of the groom, church friends, neighbours, people from the groom’s village, etc. When each group was called, people that fit into that specific category would dance up to the front, with the music blasting, and throw money at the bride/groom. Some songs were traditional Malawian tunes, others were more modern (my personal favourite was “You are My African Queen”). Some groups had so many members that it would take 15 or 20 minutes to complete the dancing and money-throwing. Most money that was thrown was 20 Kwatcha (about 13 cents CAD) or 50 Kwatcha (about 38 cents CAD). However, interestingly, there was also a category for people who would like to dance up and throw only 500 Kwatcha bills, which not a lot of guests could do despite the fact that 500 Kwatcha is only about $3.80 CAD. This dancing and money throwing continued for hours, with categories for the groom, then categories for the bride, then the couple together, then their parents. Some people would fit maybe 10 categories during the whole reception- that’s a lot of dancing, and for some, a lot of Kwatcha.
What I truly noticed throughout the whole ceremony was the lack of interaction between the newly-married couple. I hope that on my wedding day that my husband and I can joke around, laugh, and generally enjoy ourselves by not taking things too seriously. I am not sure if it’s the custom, but, this couple barely made eye contact, and practically sat on separate ends of the sofa. I thought this was strange, and kind of sad, but, one of my Canadian friends suggested perhaps the couple is not supposed to show too much affection in front of their guests.
The ceremony continued with two ladies dancing down the aisle to light the candles around the cake, which was followed by photos of the bride and groom standing in front of the cake, and the presentation of cake to the groom’s family by the bride, and vice versa. Out of respect, the bride knelt in front of her in-laws; interestingly, I did not see the groom do the same thing. Finally, at the end of the reception, there was an AUCTION. Available for bidding was a blown-up and framed photo of the bride and groom from the wedding ceremony. The bidding began at 3000 Kwatcha (about $22 CAD) and finally finished 45 minutes later with- get this- 37 000 Kwatcha (almost $300 CAD)! That is A LOT of money here, so I was quite surprised. I suppose bidding on this photo proves one’s loyalty to the couple and one’s faith in their marriage. Additionally, I think there was an element of showiness to the whole auction process.
Being able to experience a Malawian reception was such a treat, and something I will always remember. People were so happy to attend, and appeared to enjoy catching up with old friends over a Fanta or Coke. Africans like to party, dance, and celebrate life and family. What could be better?
Love to all,
Jacqueline
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