Death

During orientation, our tutors jokingly stated that in order to fully experience Malawian culture, we would have to attend both a wedding and a funeral. I laughed this off, thinking perhaps I will get to a wedding, but there is little chance that my host family will experience death in a substantial way during my short time here, enough that I will have to experience a funeral with them. Boy was I wrong. Since arriving here I have heard of a least 5 or 6 deaths, and many ‘close calls’ (normally children with malaria), closely linked to friends of the family or actual relatives.

It seems strange to say, but, death seems much more common in Malawi than at home. It’s hard to explain, it’s almost as if death is expected regularly. At home, when typical illness or injury takes place, we usually give ourselves a couple days before seeking medical advice or treatment. In Malawi I have found that illness is taken very seriously. The patient is always rushed to the hospital, if they can afford the fees of course). I can’t tell you the number of times my host mom has come home from work, only to leave straight away again to visit someone in hospital. What strikes me most is that these sick people range from “my friend’s mother”, to “my daughter’s classmate’s cousin”, to “my co-workers nephew”. Each and every person is cared for. It does not matter if you know the patient directly… if you know their close friend or relative, you go to the hospital to support that person. I rather like how this system works.

The downside, though, to caring so deeply even for one’s most distant social connections, is that illness and death seem to be ‘in the air’ often. Just last week my host mom, Alice, lost her brother-in-law. He was very young, and seemingly quite healthy. They visited him in the hospital late during the week, and over the weekend I visited him and his family at their home, as he seemed to be improving and was discharged. On Monday, I was told he was back in hospital, and needed a blood transfusion. Early Tuesday morning, Alice woke me up with a knock on my door- he was gone. Although I did not know this man personally, this sequence of events rocked me to my core. I instantly thought of his 6-months pregnant wife, and his 5-year old son… who just days before had a healthy husband and father-figure in their household. All the extended family rallied… I didn’t see Alice for a week as she was with her sister. He was buried the next day, and then, it was business as usual.

I could not help but question what went wrong here. How did this healthy young man die so quickly? Why did the blood transfusion not take place in time? Would he have died in Canada? But these questions are foolishness, because the situation is what it is. He was a Malawian, using a Malawian health care system, and Malawian methods for a blood transfusion. Good or bad, take it or leave it, that was the situation. Whether or not he would have died in a developed country remains to be seen, but I felt awful for thinking that thought.

Just tonight Alice got word of a lady passing away in her church. She has gone to literally sleep in the church, because this is where the woman’s family has gathered. I will have to babysit tomorrow, because Alice will be at the funeral for this woman, and the nanny just received word that she lost a brother, so she will have to return to the village for the burial tomorrow. (Interestingly, family is so important in Malawi, that you get as many siblings as you can. This ‘brother’ is not actually the nanny’s real brother. He is her cousin. If your first cousin is your mother’s sister’s child, or your father’s brother’s child, then he or she is called your brother or sister, not just your cousin). Confused yet?

Another scary aspect of death in Malawi is how very young people are when they die. The life expectancy in Malawi is currently 44, due in large part to the AIDS crisis. It is very unusual to see an elderly person here; I have only met two people old enough to be considered “seniors”, and they were Alice’s parents. When you walk along the street, you only see young people, as 45% of the population is under the age of 14.

Regardless… death is seemingly a common occurrence. I have thought over and over about how strange it would be to have a relative, church member, colleague, or family friend pass away every couple weeks at home. I’m sure we would all look at life a lot differently.

Love to all,
Jacqueline